First I’d like to say thanks to the people who looked at this website and read the blog. I actually had a few people give me positive feedback directly, to my face- people who I never would have guessed would read this. It was encouraging.
Last time I wrote about learning how to recognize things I do well, and give myself credit for them. It’s a discipline now part of my daily life. When purposefully searching for positive thoughts, I became a happier and more hopeful person.
A few months ago, while writing and reflecting on these ideas, I was thanking God with cheerful anticipation. I felt that this year could be a very significant year of my life. This mental training was really working! I was focused on my goals and content. My physical training (running) was going extremely well- better than ever. Between weeks on weeks of solid mileage, uninterrupted training, consistency in the weight room, perfect health, and my mental work - for the first time I had left no stone unturned in my preparation. Coming off a very successful season opener, I was convinced of the great results I would enjoy in the upcoming competitive season. I had just run a huge lifetime best and achieved the World Champs qualifying standard in the 5k.
But I also wondered, is this new lightheartedness genuine? Isn’t it quite easy to be positive and content when everything is going great? How would I do in “bad times?” I actually found out pretty quickly.
Since that great 5k, my season has been…. less than what I envisioned. After a series of mediocre results in the 1500m (my primary event), I ran the worst race of my professional career. (I haven't even looked at the results.) After that race I wanted to pack it in for the season, or at least take some time off and regroup. But the next morning I woke up wanting to keep training, and looking forward to my next opportunity to try again. While I was totally baffled and tremendously disappointed, I found that my new positive outlook on running and life in general was not gone.
Last week I raced again and ran the best time of my season so far. And tomorrow I’m racing AGAIN. It’s my last chance to hit the World Champs qualifying standard for the 1500m. I didn’t expect to still be chasing the standard on June 21 and never dreamt it would come down to a last ditch effort this year. But this morning I heard myself say to my husband, “I’m thankful that my season has gone the way it has.” I’m thankful to now know that the change in me is real.